Carpe diem appears to be dead (unless the new meaning is seize someone else’s day, as a vicarious experience, of course — not hands-on or anything that dangerous). I say this because recently I was sitting in a restaurant where a young woman and some friends were...

I’ve been using that “hook a brother up” line for the past couple of years, ever since I heard a witless dolt say to an apparent acquaintance, “Hook a brother up with a beer.” We were happy-houring in the fenced in confines of an insanely crowded outside bar at a...

If you need to be reminded or encouraged to vote, please don’t. We already have enough lazy, stupid voters electing plenty of lazy, stupid people. If you are one of those who has to be told to vote, I’m sure you’d be much happier staying home, relaxing, watching The...

If you don’t believe we’ve gone batshit crazy, then you’re batshit crazy. Let’s go crazy, let’s get nuts. Look for the purple banana ’til they put us in the truck. Those fun folks at the Associated Press are at it again. Their imaginative stylebook (subtitled...

Will Rodgers once said, “Eventually you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” I don’t think I’ve reached that age yet, but I’ve certainly reached a point where I’m bragging about my friends: You’re the best! Thank you for...

When my mother was pregnant with me on the western frontier of Land o’ Lincoln, the doctor told her she was having twins. My father was beside himself with joy: two boys! Now, this was long before sonograms and amniocentesis, but it had been decided that I (or we) was...

Day 65 of Captivity 5/19/20   In a world where “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing, is it any wonder we’re having so much trouble communicating, especially now with the added pressure of this invasively influential influenza? So to help out, here’s...

One of the new precepts in America is that if you are successful and white, you are evil. The people most vigorously promulgating that concept are the media, who, for the most part, are successful and white. Major capitalist corporations such as Walmart, Nike, Target...

How art thou out of breath when thou hast breath to say to me that thou art out of breath? ~ William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet Remember when CO2 was bad for us. Well, not anymore, fellow New Normalites. In today’s bizarro world of inverted logic, CO2 is now our...